Zodiac Roasts

 Disclaimer: this is just for fun, I love you all ❤

Aries: You wonder why you can’t achieve anything when you switched your major six times this semester. Also why are you so angry? This is why you have no friends.

Taurus: I’ve never seen someone be so boujee yet so broke at the same time. Your Louis Vuitton is empty because you probably spent all your money on food.

Gemini: When you call, I’m scared to answer the phone because I don’t know if I’m getting the nice gemini or the evil twin.

Cancer: Stop crying and get out of the house. Also yes I know Marley died at the end shut up.

Leo: Get over yourself. You want everyone to notice how awesome you are and then when we call you out on your bullshit you are nowhere to be found. 

Virgo: If you keep pointing out our flaws we will start to point out yours and your anxious perfectionism and ego won’t like that too much.

Libra: We get it you’re pretty and a flirt.

Scorpio: It is just a phase sweetie. 

Sagittarius: So you’re so crazy and spontaneous but then the minute someone else wants to take control of the situation you go haywire. This is why you have no friends.

Capricorn: You don’t have feelings, just money.

Aquarius: Are you going to actually change the world or just complain about politics all day?

Pisces: Stop running away from your feelings for once. 

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